My Boy is Growing Up.

My Monkey is a very sensitive little chap, as I have discussed here before. Ever since his shy and sensitive traits started to show themselves at around 9 months of age, I have had to fend off unsolicited and infuriating comments (subtle ones, and not-so-subtle ones) from well meaning acquaintances, basically saying that he is the way he is because of something I have or haven’t done. I have spent a long time defending my parenting choices, secretly worrying that maybe everybody else was right, but now my Monkey has proved them wrong – and put my insecurities to rest.

Last Tuesday, we went to meet a childminder – I’ll call her K. Well, we had met her before but just once, a good few months ago. She is a warm, friendly and kind woman who is on almost the exact same wavelength as me when it comes to childcare philosophy – plus she is one of the most experienced childminders in our town.

We had spoken previously, and agreed that there would be no pressure on me to leave Monkey there before he was ready. We chose to use some of his government-funded childcare vouchers on childminding so that he could have a change of scenery, meet some other kids, give me a break and to help boost his confidence in a non-threatening environment. As such, there is no deadline – it is all on his terms.

So, off we went, with no expectations. He remembered the house from the last time we went, and said “I won’t be sad today, mummy.” (the last time we went there he was very upset going in, as he often can be when we are going somewhere he has never been before). We got in and sat down to play. He stayed on my lap for a little while, but quickly moved to sit next to me and got stuck in building massive Duplo towers with K while Squish proceeded to empty various boxes of toys onto the floor.

As he seemed to be settling in so easily, I asked him if he would mind if I popped to town with Squish whilst he carried on playing, so I could get some shopping and some chocolate buttons for him. He agreed without even flinching. I was utterly gobsmacked. My sensitive, occasionally anxious little boy had just told me to leave him in a fairly unfamiliar house with a fairly unfamiliar person. I faltered, but K encouraged me to follow his lead and go with it.

I got back after half an hour, armed with chocolate buttons, and found him peering into the fishtank in K’s living room. He had drunk some juice, drawn me a lovely picture of a fish, and had learnt where we live (and could point to it on a map). When it was time to go, he refused to say goodbye to K because, in his words, “I don’t want to go, mummy. I want to stay all day long.”

So, we have made plans for him to go another day next week, and this time I will leave for longer (providing that he is okay with that, of course). He absolutely cannot wait – he and K are going to bake gingerbread men together, and it’s all he’s talked about all week.

I am just… gobsmacked, totally, that he is settling in so quickly. I have been agonising over this for months, feeling guilty because I feel I should be able to look after him by myself, but at the same time feeling totally stretched and exhausted because lets face it – three year olds can be pretty challenging at times, and that’s without having a baby (who has perfected the art of the Epic Tantrum in recent weeks) to look after as well. The more I think about it, the more sure I am that this is a great choice for us. Although I have absolutely no idea what on earth I will do for four hours a week with just one child. I think I underestimated quite how strange it would be without him around. And, when Squish eventually joins him, it will be even stranger.

So, to any of you who feel under pressure from friends or family to force separation early and often to “get them used” to being apart from you – there’s no need. They really will be happy to separate from you when they are good and ready. And trust me - it will be bittersweet.

Continue reading here: Do Open Relationships Work?

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