1. The songs that are stuck in your head are no longer the latest chart hits. Instead you whistle or hum the theme tunes to In The Night Garden, Show Me Show Me and Big Cook Little Cook.
2. A trip to the hairdressers is not just a nice treat – you sit down in the comfy chair, sip the hot coffee, notice the absence of small people hanging off of you and feel like you could cry with happiness.
3. You can’t remember the last time you had a long, hot, uninterrupted bath.
4. When you get a rare moment of peace with your partner, you find yourselves talking about the kids.
5. You can count on one hand the number of times you’ve been out on the town with your partner in the last year. Or three.
6. You have very few non-mummy friends now. They just don’t understand the importance of naptime, why you don’t care how many vodkas they slammed at the weekend or why you are unable to attend their 4-day-long hen weekend.
7. You consistently put yourself at the end of the list, and you don’t begrudge it at all (until you hit Mummy Burnout and explode in the face of your unsuspecting partner).
8. Your idea of a late night is 11pm.
9. You wonder how on earth you were ever broke when you and your husband both worked full-time and had no dependents, and kick yourself regularly for wasting all of that money on clothes that will likely never fit you again.
10. Sleep is no longer just a necessary part of your life. It’s a precious, sought after commodity and anybody who dares take it for granted (or complain of being tired after you’ve been up all night with the baby) in your presence risks feeling your wrath.
11. You cringe when you remember the times pre-children when you offered your mummy friends ‘helpful advice’ on discipline and the like, and wonder how on earth they managed to restrain themselves from punching you in the face.
12. However much you bitch and whine about any or all of the above, you still wouldn’t swap your children for anything.
And on that note…
13. Nothing makes you happier than seeing those rare moments of sibling love between your usually-squabbling kids.
14. The most delicious things in the entire world are your baby’s chubby little cheeks.
15. You hit a wall of fatigue in the afternoon and instead of wishing you could go to the pub, you crave a rejuvenating snuggle on the sofa with a small cuddly person. (Okay, sometimes the pub idea is pretty damn tempting… but the cuddle always wins out).
16. Gravity has triumphed over your previously pert boobs, but you know that it was worth it.
17. You have a new-found respect for your body for having brought life into the world. Stretch marks, Shmetch marks.
18. You crave time alone in the same way you crave sleep – but you know damn well that once you finally get the balls to send the hubby out with the kids for a couple of hours, you’ll be lonely, bored sh*tless and want them to come home.
19. You have realised what it is to be truly selfless.
20. You feel you have figured out what life is really all about.
21. Even though you know your life is more stressful now that you have children, you know that those early grey hairs and premature wrinkles will be worth it.
22. Your deep sense of satisfaction comes not from the pursuit of selfish needs, but from watching your tiny babies grow from helpless beings into confident, capable and interesting little people.
23. You will never make a decision again without considering how your children will be affected.
24. You get ridiculously excited about your children’s birthdays, and really couldn’t care less about your own.
25. You can’t imagine a life without your noisy, bouncy, cuddly, sometimes snotty, amazing little people.
What would you add?